Children are a gift from the Lord; the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children born in one's youth. Blessed are they whose quivers are full. They will never be shamed contending with foes at the gate. ~Psalm 127:3-5

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Today Chores Are My Enemy

Sometimes, it is all I can do, to get out of my bed in the morning and make it. Then the rest of the day, I drift through, doing the bare minimum to keep me and my children alive. My husband then comes home and in his eyes, nothing has been done.

'But I made the bed' is my reply to his insistence that I did nothing all day.

Before I continue, in case I haven't made it clear in anything I've posted so far, I do have some sort of clinical depression or something that makes it a little harder for me to always be normal or happy or to not allow life's normal routine of ups and downs completely throw me off balance at times. I am slightly crazy most days. Ask my husband, you'll find he'll nod furiously before you even finish your question.

OK, so that sounds kind of funny. I'm crazy.. Ha ha. But really, often times, it's the furthest thing from funny and as I said before, it often keeps me from doing the things I need to be doing..past the small task of making my bed in the mornings....which incidentally, I just began to get into a routine of doing only about 6 months ago. Yes, Kate, I would like a cookie for this. It was a big deal to me at the time I realized I had done it more than 1 or 2 days in a row!

Household chores are my job but on the days when I'm feeling slightly less than 100% and especially on the days when I've allowed myself to be only at say 30%, household chores have become my enemy. Even the smallest of them. There are only two things I pretty much accomplish every single day.. Making my bed and doing the dishes. The second of the two has been known to not get done until the last 4 minutes before my husband pulls into the driveway. Again, cookie please... At least it gets done!

I've started to get my 3 1/2 year old to help me with things. She is pretty good at helping me sweep up stuff, she picks up the toys in the playroom on occasion. She's pretty motivated to do just about anything when I tell her there will be a "treat" if she does what I ask. But, like me, she often gets side-tracked by something shiny off in the corner.. Shiny doesn't always mean gleaming, especially when it comes to my distractions, but for her, it usually just means that it's different and more exciting than the task at hand.

Anyway, back to my issue....the reason household chores are often viewed as enemies. It's the sense that I know they should get done but that I can't seem to manage to pull myself out of the darkness behind my eyes to see the pile of folded laundry I have yet to put away or to see the mess under the table the kids left from lunch. It's the suffocating effect taking care of three needy children has on me sometimes. Or the chaos in my head that rings like a thousand church bells because I forgot to turn down the volume of the previous weeks' events that play in my mind over and over.

I feel like this is not a normal feeling of being overwhelmed like most stay-at-home mommies feel at times. There's something more to it and I think to add figuring that out to my list of chores might be a good idea. This could possibly be my biggest enemy of them all, however. There are times when I want to go to bed at 6 o'clock just so I can end the day, having just barely made it. These days a steady stream of chaos has hit my brain, through my children fighting, the baby crying, an unresolved fight with my husband spinning around up there..

So, yeah, sometimes, it's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning and make it.

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