Just a little excerpt from a certain little book I am currently working on (aside from my motherhood book).. It's totally not your "new-age" ideas about finding happiness and what our lives are about.
To say that I am perfect and that my life is great and that I am completely happy would be a lie. When I began writing about my struggles and my feelings, I spilled out a lot of thoughts and ideas about what happiness is and wanting that “perfect” life. I struggled a lot on my way because I didn’t realize that some of the desires I had were not going to get me to a place where God could use me for His will, no matter how badly I wanted Him to at times. I also didn’t realize that it wasn’t just going to happen overnight. I can’t just wake up one day and be happy and everything be in a perfect place and everyone around me be who or what I want them to be for me or even have me be who I want to be. Everything takes hard work and following God’s path is the hardest thing to do. But it’s also the most rewarding.
The happiness I speak of isn’t rooted in all that new-age thinking of letting go and finding my ‘oneness’ and being my own light, etc. It isn’t rooted in being rich, finding fulfillment in the easy things in life, doing what makes me feel good. It is rooted in God. I am not supposed to have the kind of control over my life that people read about in books that spout such ideas of creating our own universe in which God serves us and we are the center. God is meant to be served, to have the control and I am meant to be one small flame in the light of His world, serving Him in whatever He wants me to do. My happiness lies in giving my life to Him, allowing Him to move me through my past and using my present to create a better future for myself and those around me, in His name.
This “glimpse” has given me a new view of things; the momentary eclipse allowing me to see the bad of the past but then also part of the good that will come for the future, an idea that has planted itself in my soul and caused me to really look at myself inwardly and not just on the outside as I would in a mirror or as the world would see me. Somewhere along the line, God put a real mirror of truth in front of me, allowing me to see that eclipse, allowing me to see the two paths I could choose from, allowing me to understand the general idea that this life is not really mine, that I am just a small dot of paint in the entire picture He has painted of His world…a small dot but with a very significant role. God has a plan for every single being on this earth, a place in time for each person to complete His masterpiece. I have come to understand that if I am not a part of it, the entire picture would be incomplete. It has taken me quite a long time to realize this fact, to understand it and most importantly, to accept and believe it.