I came across the following thoughts in an old notebook while sifting through one of my many boxes of stuff I've written..
I fathom a life- my life- without babies, without the responsibility of taking care of anyone else. Of having no important decisions to make that involve an analysis of whether or not the decision would be good for [my] children as well.
I cannot see it.
I cannot see a life where my 2 year old isn't singing me nonsense songs or waking in the night crying for me or even screaming in my face because she didn't get her way. And I cannot grasp a hold of the idea of one without my 2 month old falling asleep while nursing, staring up at me with a half smile of delight as I try to rock him to sleep....waking me in the night to remind me to feed him...crying because he has a bout of painful gas.
This is my life. Changing diapers. Holding tiny hands. Rocking sleepy children. Countless kisses and hugs. Kissing boo-boos. Nursing a hungry baby. Silly songs. Long nights.
I watch my daughter grow up too fast. My son is right behind her. I cannot even think of my life without them, yet I feel like they're already slipping away from me. When the time comes for us to let them go, do we as mothers know how to do it?
Is it painful and if so, for how long?