Children are a gift from the Lord; the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children born in one's youth. Blessed are they whose quivers are full. They will never be shamed contending with foes at the gate. ~Psalm 127:3-5

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Understanding God

A few days ago a little boy who was just shy of turning 1 passed away from AT/RT cancer. His name was Declan Carmical and his battle was not only awe-inspiring but it was also a huge testament to the strength and abilities within every single person on this earth, young and old. I had the privilege of getting to know the story of this sweet baby through his family members who openly shared on Facebook the heartbreaking events that led to his passing. Every day there was something new to share- ups and downs, joy and sorrow. And the entire human experience not only touched my heart but changed my life. My heart goes out to Declan's parents Stan and Sherri, his twin brother Cole and 2 older brothers, Will and Brady, as well as the rest of his family. I can't imagine the hurt of such a loss and I am praying for their peace and strength.

Yesterday, I received a message from Declan's great aunt, Rosemary- a lovely woman who has been around my family since I was a little girl. Her existence in my life has been mostly through Facebook in the recent years but I can't think of my childhood, especially my Catholic upbringing, without her face gracing the images in my mind. I was a little surprised by the nature of her message to me, as it was a most painful cry for answers- answers I always expected someone like her to have. Now I was the one being solicited for these answers and I wasn't sure I had them. It humbled me to realize that no matter how old we are or how much experience we have, we are all children of God- children who sometimes falter in our faith, who sometimes weaken in our abilities to remain standing through life's most difficult trials.

I started typing a response through my tears, pleading to God to give me the right words, hoping that even one could touch her heart and pull her back to His gentle embrace. In my thoughts, I expressed the reality of human nature as I experienced it and as I believed it to be. I knew questioning such a tragic event is part of our humanity and I knew that our faith is tested in some of the most painful ways. But I also knew that we are not to understand these circumstances and events; we are only to trust that they are part of our journey for a reason, as a means to complete the bigger picture that He is creating for His kingdom. But sometimes this notion does not help. Sometimes it is just incapable of being the healing balm to our wounds that are often left open and raw for years.

In tragic times like this one, we ask God why these things happen; why an innocent child had to suffer so much only to lose his life and leave behind so many who loved him. We wonder, as this dear friend did, why God couldn't have allowed our loved one to heroically win the battle and go on to be a servant of the Lord, bringing others to the foot of His cross. But everything happens for the ultimate result of good, even if the means to get there aren't so good. Declan's life was one of greatness. Even as a helpless baby, he was a servant of God in the most amazing way and he may have very well brought others to the foot of the Lord's cross. I know his life deepened my faith, as I myself went through the process of questioning God's reasons and came out on the other side with a deeper understanding of how His love pours out onto His children through the lost lives of precious babies such as Declan.

Even when we feel weakened in our faith, it often steps in anyway, sometimes in unexpected ways, as our doubt takes a backseat in order for us to grieve and pick up the pieces of our shattered hearts and lives. Heaven is our home, and this earthly life is just a place to begin our process of being worthy of such a home. This world doesn't mean much compared to eternity; here is where all the pain and sadness live. Through the tragedy of his short existence, Declan lived as a reminder that our time here is short, our life is very fragile, and that all of us belong to God and are alive only for His purpose. In all honesty, I envy Declan, and every other soul I know who has gone before him to be with God. They are not experiencing any hurt, any anger, any pain. They are living their lives where they belong, rejoicing in God's holiness and soaking in more love from Him than we could possibly imagine here on earth. How awesome is that?! How great it must be up there, and how blessed we are to have those souls in heaven praying for us, on our side to help prepare us for the time when He will call us home as well.

No, sweet Rosemary, Declan's life was not in vain. In honor of Declan and all the babies I know of who have gone home to Jesus, I remember to look at my own children and thank God for the privilege of being their mother; and I am convicted to be a better parent, to fix my eyes on His purposes for my life and the lives of my children, blessed and humbled by how short our time in this world really is. We may not understand the way God works, why exactly He would create someone like Declan and then take him home so soon. But we have to trust that it is part of His perfect will and that Declan's short life had a purpose for the greater good. Rest in peace, Declan and please pray for us!

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" ~Proverbs 3:5-6


Unknown said...

Amen. Beautifully and eloquently put. While I read this, I not only thought of sweet Declan, but I thought of those two children smothered by their very own mother and then their bodies submerged in the family car. The stories of their struggles in life are very different but the ultimate outcome of their deaths was similar...bringing us "to the foot of His cross". I remembered so many people saying "why" those two innocent children had to die and I wanted so badly to put my thoughts into words...and this did it perfectly. Thank you and I hope the same people who question the death of children are led to read this post of yours.

Judy Dudich said...

God bless you and Rosemary,and this sweet little boy's family as you mourn his passing and reach for Christ to find comfort and peace.
We know this pain quite well as last summer, we too, lost a dear, beloved small young friend who had battled Leukemia from age 2 1/2 until he went home to the Lord at age 9.
Many have thrown their hands to the heavens begging for answers similar to Rosemary.
I, myself, find comfort in thinking that a person's entire purpose and mission under Heaven can be fulfilled in a year...9 years...or, in some cases, without ever living the womb! Is than in vain? NO! It is all toward the glory of the Father.
Why does God allow them to suffer?
It helps me to understand what a gift Jesus really is to us...for the Father...watched HIS OWN BELOVED SON suffer...and surely He did NOT deserve it. We have no way of knowing what these young souls said "yes" my young friend's case...I am certain that he was asked by God if he was willing to suffer and he accepted...I say this because when he was only three, he informed us at his mother's side that he was never going to "grow up"...he had just woken up from a was as if "he knew" and "he accepted".
These people you know are living Saints...and we can learn from them...but most of all...we can trust that God ONLY allows that which is GOOD, though it might seem tragic at the time.
Thanks for sharing this sweet boy with us Rebecca. I'm happy to know him, if only through your post.

Mary said...

Thank you. I needed to read this tonight.