Children are a gift from the Lord; the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children born in one's youth. Blessed are they whose quivers are full. They will never be shamed contending with foes at the gate. ~Psalm 127:3-5

Thursday, April 26, 2012

L is for Lunatic

Yes, I admit it, I'm a loon.

Every day lately it seems I am sinking further and further down into total lunacy.  But I don't know why.  Some would look at my life and say "'s because you have 4 kids...and one on the way..."  or maybe it's "you homeschool and run a business..."

But no, I don't think it's that. I don't really think it's my kids at all. Or my schedule. I think it's just me.  God placed every aspect and detail of my life into my hands, along with the grace and capabilities to handle all of it.  Extra things, yes, I need to discern wisely what I can add, what should be taken away, etc.  But He gave me these children, each one lending a specific personality and set of characteristics to HELP me grow and change into the person He wants me to be.  Can't let go of them.

He gave us this business, knowing full-well that in the beginning, I'd have to be a major part of helping run it.  Eventually, we'll be able to hire people on to help us in the areas I am taking care of.  He also put it on my heart to homeschool.  This is a decision we visit each year and right now, it seems to be that yes, we are meant to continue. Can't let go of those, either.

So I'm back to me.  I think I'm just not seeing what it is that I need to change in order to be able to do all this stuff without being a lunatic.  Ok, I think I am seeing it; but I'm a little slow at responding to the convictions. I know I need more patience. Perhaps I need to be MORE busy. I mean, sometimes there are days when we get the essentials in - homeschool, food, some laundry, and nothing else.  We did have a good schedule going for awhile where we followed a routine of chores and school and eating all in specific time-slots of the day. Things seemed to run much smoother then, and I didn't feel so crazy.  But one day out or a sick kid usually messes that up. I guess I need to be more diligent about getting back into that habit.  They say 10 days make a habit.  I think that for LIFE, that's not really true.  Or they should add a disclaimer onto that which explains that 1 bad day breaks a habit.


Lord, help me to put all my trust in You, that You fill in the gaps where I fail, You erase the bad days  years from my children's minds, and despite everything I mess up on, You create in them hearts to serve, to follow Your will and to trust You in every moment of their lives.


Corita said...

Something I read tonight I found very inspiring, Beck, esp. as per our earlier conversation today:
The most basic and compelling need of a child is to feel as if she *belongs*. The belonging of the family helps them to eventually take their place *willingly* as a member of G-d's family.

I realized that if I can focus a lot more on aiming my interactions with my children at speaking the language of belonging, then I am doing a million times better than I was before. Than even a lady with a perfect homeschooling schedule and perfectly -behaved children but lots of inner anger, withdrawal and resentment is doing.

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