We stuck it by our bed so we could randomly surprise each other with words expressing our love. Over the months, in moments of thoughtfulness, moments when I see him doing something cute or nice, or I just think about him and get that giddy feeling, I write my love notes to him.
I haven't ever written one without first being prompted by those wonderful "lovey" feelings.
Never until today.
Earlier, we had a little fight. Okay, a big one. I mean, not colossal; not how fights used to be for us. Still, fights of any real magnitude are few and far between usually so the degree of this one was a hurtful surprise.
I went to our room and shut the door. Sitting on his side of the bed, I noticed the frame. It was empty as the kids erased the last message on it. I felt like writing something mean. Like 'I love you because, despite how awful you are, I have to.' Or something else completely horrible and dishonoring.
I chewed on it for awhile. I felt so much bitterness in my heart. I did the dishes and prayed a Hail Mary. I felt myself calming. I got online and chatted with a friend. More calm. I got on my blog and noticed traffic from someone googling our company and Joe's name. It led them to this post which I wrote about him for his birthday last year. My heart began to soften and open to the prompting of love.
I decided to write a message on the frame, despite my hurt feelings. Despite the pain I still felt stinging my heart, I knew that I had to erase the anger inside and work through my negative feelings in order to show my husband that I love him even though we had a fight. He is still learning how to love unconditionally. He is still navigating the murky waters of trust and tangible communion in any sort of relationship. He needs my love. And I need his.
Sometimes, in any relationship be it marital, friendship, or extended family, we are hurt. Much like our feelings of excitement, desire or happiness, those hurt feelings can often fuel our actions. We may feel like stopping that flow of our love. We don't want to make the effort because it's just too hard. We often only think of ourselves and we push the other person away because we don't want to deal with the hurt or confusion anymore. But LOVE needs to have a place no matter how we feel. It needs to be expressed even in the most difficult of circumstances....even when we don't feel like it. Even when it takes a lot of effort. Everyone deserves love. Everyone is worth it.